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We owe the invention of modern Jeans to a Jewish duo, an Ashkenazy Businessman of German origins and a Latvian tailor, to be precise. Löb Strauß and Jākobs Jufess are better known as Levi Strauss and Jacob Davis, nowadays.
Yet, 144 years ago, in San Francisco, during the era of the Gold Rush, Strauss and Davis came out with a terrific idea: they were going to make money out of a pair of sturdy pants made of denim cloth. Davis was a practical man: good, old-fashioned American pragmatism used to run in his veins. For a living, he made useful things for gold diggers out of denim cloth that he would buy from Strauss’ dry goods store. Things like wagon covers, for example, or tents.
The legend of the Levi’s Jeans began when one very manly hard-worker asked Davis to make a pair of sturdy trousers that could withstand anything. That’s the reason why there are copper rivets on your Jeans.
By the way, the word “Jeans” means “Genoa” in French (Gênes). Why Genoa? Well, that’s where cotton corduroy fabric was manufactured, back in the good-old days.
Jeans are made of Dungaree fabric or Denim. The diagonal ribbing is obtained by passing the weft under two, or more, warp threads. This type of fabric pattern is called “twill weave”. The reason why Jeans are usually of fading indigo color is because the warp thread is dyed, while the weft thread isn’t. But if you are a nerd and what concerns you is the technical aspect of the Jeans fabric, instead of its usage, just click on the links that I have provided and you’ll be satisfied. No need to go further.
Normal people can instead continue reading, while I explain to you how to wear Jeans as God Commands and talk about the 6 blissful rules mentioned in the title.
Rule # 1 – The Clarkson Effect: I’m quoting the Telegraph here: “Sales of the denim trousers, a wardrobe essential for much of the 1980s and 1990s, took a dive in 1997 because middle-aged wearers such as the television presenter Clarkson made them seem unhip.”
For those of you who don’t know who Jeremy Clarkson is: stop reading right now and goodbye. For normal people, the point is clear: you can’t wear Jeans if you are older than 40. So, sorry: dress your age, mister!
Rule# 2 – You can’t wear distressed jeans with cuts on the knees or anywhere else. No, I’m sorry: you can’t. No seriously. This is called the “Raggi effect”. Virginia Raggi, the worst mayor of all times, was once seen wearing jeans with cuts on the knees during an official meeting. Rome has seen better times indeed. (I’m not linking her name because it stinks).
Rule#3 – You can’t wear black Jeans. Black tourers are bad enough, but black jeans are even worse. Stay the hell away from them. This is what the Lord says about wearing black Jeans: “And if ye walk with black dungarees and will not hearken unto me; I will bring seven times more plagues upon you, according to your sins. I will also send wild beasts among you, which shall rob you of your children, and destroy your smartphones, and make you few in number. I will also break the USB readers of your car stereo and your Highways shall be desolate. ” Leviticus, 26:21,22 (KJV) Got it?
Rule#4 – The darker the blue, the more formal the Jeans. In theory, you should not wear light blue Jeans if you’re past the age of 25. But if they aren’t distressed, or if the cut isn’t particularly skinny, you can possibly pull them off, provided you are in very good shape and your legs are straight and long enough. Sorry, Hobbits: you don’t look great in Jeans.
Rule#5 – The simpler the cut, the more formal the Jeans. Skinnier Jeans are less formal than regular Jeans. As you know, I normally do not advice to follow fashion. Yet, sometimes fashion gets it right. Let’s avoid bell-bottoms legs AT ALL COSTS. Let’s refer to the word of the Lord our God again. This is what Jehovah commanded regarding bell-bottom jeans: “And they shall nor more wear bell-bottom dungarees, or offer sacrifices unto flower children, after whom they have gone a whoring. This shall be a statute for ever unto them, throughout their generations.” Leviticus 17:7 (KJV) Verstandest du? Tu compris? Entiendes? Capisc? Do you understand?
Rule#6 – Pair your jeans with the right shoes, shirts, and jackets. Don’t wear Oxfords on a pair of distressed, light blue Jeans: it simply doesn’t work, it will make you look ridiculous. Don’t wear a jacket over light blue jeans either, for the same reason. Also, avoid denim shirts when you are wearing blue jeans. At times, my Instagram feed has been invaded by posts which portrayed guys wearing blue denim shirts over blue jeans of the same hue!