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Sometimes I feel in great company with my solitude, sometimes not. Loneliness can be both a blessing and a curse, depending on how you view it. Obviously, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence and glasses always looks half-empty, if you don’t exercise control over your spirit.
In the book of proverbs, it is written: “He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.” (25:28, KJV)
In another blog post, I argued that young people should “fake it till they make it”. Here I’m going to re-state the same concept but from a different perspective. When you feel lonely, try to dress as if you were feeling happy: sometimes it works.
My friend Grant likes bold colors, head over to his blog: you’ll find many good examples on how to dress in bold colors. That’s not usually my style, but it might be yours. Anyways, Grant’s blog is just great!
I’ll describe my outfit in details, in the next post: but for now, I want you to focus on your solitude. In fact, if you are reading this, chances are you feel lonely. My purpose is to explain you why is it that you feel like that and, most importantly, what you can do about it.
So, why do we feel lonely? Psychologists would tell you that that’s because you had some problem growing up. But I don’t believe in psychology. You’re not your brains, you are made up of a body, a soul, and a spirit. You don’t have a psychological problem, you most likely have a moral problem.
Besides, if you truly believe that you are the result of a cosmic accident who descends from apes and that when you’ll die you’ll dissolve into nothingness, the fact that you feel sad and lonely shouldn’t come as a surprise.
If you have a problem, it means that there’s something wrong with you and you won’t find the solution to that problem by searching inside you, because you are problematic yourself.
Besides, if you are the result of a cosmic accident, how can you trust your understanding? It’s just random. Maybe the loneliness you’re experiencing isn’t even a problem. Maybe the world itself is an illusion and we live in the Matrix. It’s all chaotic, you see?
Why don’t you get a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, or a pet? Why don’t you join a gym or call your friends, watch a movie, go to a party? This way you won’t be alone.
This is the way the world thinks and it is hopeless. With this kind of rationale, you will address the symptom, perhaps, but you won’t solve the problem itself.
The real problem is: if you find yourself incapable of coping with loneliness, it means you’re not mature enough. We all have to face our demons, sooner or later. The sooner you face the demon of loneliness, the better.
I realize that throughout the course of the best part of my adult life, I’ve been trying to numb the relentless, abominable pain of loneliness by every possible means, but that I’ve never tried to actually face my loneliness. Rest assured on one equation: trying to numb the relentless, abominable pain of loneliness by any other means except Jesus = escapism.
Escapism might make you forget about the problem you’re facing for a little while, via a momentary retreat into a different world, but sooner or later you’ll have to come face to face with the same old demon once again. I’ve been trapped in this game for years.
Now, keep this in mind: anything you use in order to escape reality is your idol. You may seek refuge in cigarettes, alcohol, movies, books, music, travels, a conversation with a friend, a pet, your sons and daughters, your husband, maybe your boyfriend, maybe your friend, maybe your hobby, perhaps a work of art, or meditation, drugs… you name it.
Each and every time you use one of your idols in order to escape the reality of your loneliness, you’re postponing the most important battle of your life. Don’t do it, escaping from reality is never a good solution.
Seek Jesus Christ, instead. He put you in that spot for a reason. He wanted you to be in that social desert because that’s the only place in which you are forced to seek Him with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. In that sense, your solitude is a blessing, not a curse.
It may be painful at the beginning, but when you realize that God wanted you to be there for the purpose of ministering to you, the pain turns into joy and gratitude. It is a wonderful thing to be loved by God. He will never forsake you.
So, the next time you feel lonely, bow down in prayer and seek Him earnestly. Perhaps take a stroll with Him in the park.
When you’ll finally embrace your solitude, absurd as the idea might seem to you right now, you’ll find solace, joy, wisdom and love. You’ll find THAT sort of peace, the peace which surpasseth all understanding. You’ll finally be in great company with your solitude.
If you need help, don’t hesitate to contact me…